How To Stay Fit without Running or Eating Salad

Yuri's low maintenance, high efficacy diet and exercise tips

Comrades: Sound in body, sound in mind. Obesity is a growing silent killer, as we have reached record obesity rates domestically and globally. At the same time, we are in an economic downturn that will lead to belt-tightening and carbon reduction.

The Yuri diet and exercise plan is one of the simplest you will ever find. It maximizes health and enjoyable food while minimizing preparation time, mental tax, and cost. No tracking, fads, trainers, gym memberships, or supplements. Few hard rules. As the title stated, I don’t run or eat salads because I think they are most unpleasant forms of diet and exercise. Marathons and $15 Sweetgreens are staples of Karenland FUPAZ so virtue signaling NPCs can humble brag to each other.

Under the Yuri plan, I have remained within a 10-pound weight range for over 10 years at normal BMI (22 to be precise) and blood pressure. My build is athletic but not “jacked” by any means. I hope it works as well for you as it has for me. The goal is to keep you fit and far away from NPC Public Health Commissars and Woke Doctors.

As always, if my writings have helped you learn or laugh I would appreciate a paid subscription. I welcome any feedback in the comments section or email yuribezmenov22 [at] protonmail.

First I must acknowledge genetics. Everyone in my family is within normal BMI and looks young for their age - as they say, Asian don’t raisin. My parents and grandparents also endured ultra low calorie diets as part of Communism, which may have affected their and my metabolism.

On the diet side, I keep breakfast and lunch as simple as possible. For breakfast I eat the same thing every day - a banana. That’s it. Tasty, cheap, and satisfying but doesn’t fill you up to start the day. Lunch is a sandwich of pita or baguette and prosciutto, with baby carrots or cucumbers dipped into hummus on the side.

In between meals, I hydrate constantly. My target is ~10 cups of water a day with a mug of decaf green tea in the morning and a glass of low sugar OJ at lunch. Some combination of greek yogurt, nuts, dark chocolate, and/or an apple is perfect for afternoon snacks when needed. No alcohol on weekdays. The only things I completely avoid are caffeine, soy, seed oils, soda, and high fructose corn syrup.

For dinners, we make a big batch of a protein/vegetable/carb combo on Sunday night and make our way through it Sunday through Wednesday night. I am happy to share family recipes if there is interest - here is a snapshot of Yuri Sr’s famous gong bao chicken to whet your appetite.

As a reward for discipline throughout the week, have whatever you want from Thursday dinner to Sunday brunch. You earned it, life is too short not to enjoy food you like. My guilty pleasures include pizza, bagels, gyros, banh mis, burgers, fries, wings, chips, etc. I once tried to go without meat and alcohol for all of January as a New Years resolution. While I did feel slightly better by the end of it, I was miserable and resolved never to try that again. I missed the meat more than the alcohol.

On the exercise side, I shoot for 10,000 steps every day by walking 30 minutes before work and 30 minutes after work with a few walk and talks in between. That takes care of natural vitamin D and generates ideas for this Substack. I do strength training with body weight once a week (3 alternating sets of 10 push-ups, pull-ups, dips, and squats) and cardio twice a week so there is one day of rest in between each workout. The best forms of cardio involve sweat, sprints, and socialization. My preference is sports, but yoga and spinning work too if that’s your game. Never sit longer than an hour continuously and stretch randomly throughout the day so you stay limber.

On the immunology side, I have not gotten full blown sick since college. My housemates and I hypothesize that because we lived in such filth and were exposed to so many pathogens through countless games of beer pong, we are immune to everything now. Anytime I feel under the weather, I pound green tea, Airborne, and chicken noodle soup and am usually back at 100% in 24 hours. For digital detox and information diet tips, read How To Unplug from the Matrix.

If you are looking to lose a lot of weight quickly, I recommend the Delhi belly diet. The only time I dropped below my normal weight range or had to be hospitalized for any reason was thanks to vicious stomach bug I picked up in India. I was bedridden on IVs for a week and lost 20 pounds.

Which way, comrades?