How To Speak Russian

Yuri's guide to Moscow and Saint Petersburg

Comrades: спасибо! I am one of the last Americans to visit Russia. Before journeying to Karabakh (pray for Armenia, the largest violent escalation in 2 years has just occurred) in summer 2018, I fulfilled a boyhood dream by going to the World Cup. It was an epic blur of soccer, vodka, cigarettes, adrenaline, and jet lag as the sun never set.

During times of war and conflict, it is important to remember our shared humanity. The Russians I met were fun and friendly people, as were the fans who came from every corner of the world. We all celebrated the joys of beer and kicking a ball around, to the point where Moscow ran out of the former. The Mexican man below became an instant celebrity and he wasn’t even there. Javier’s friends carried their comrade’s cardboard cutout because his wife banned him from going, which is a pain every man on the planet can relate to. The South American fans traveled the furthest and were the most festive.

If you’d like to see more travel guides, please consider a paid subscription. In our brave new world of “Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia”, many countries I have visited like Karabakh and Russia are no longer accessible. These guides will serve as historical catalogues, which take more time and effort to put together than the average post. Hope you enjoy my photos and musings below.

---

View of the Kremlin from a Moskva River ferry:

Changing of the guards at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier:

Cathedral of Christ the Savior:

Poles invading Red Square for the first and only time in history:

Aztecs invading Luzhniki Stadium:

The biggest upset of the tournament: El Tri 1, Die Mannschaft 0. Team USA did not even make the 2018 World Cup because they lost their final qualifying match to the titans Trinidad & Tobago. The 2022 World Cup will be held in Qatar, a country with a rich history of soccer and respect for human rights. FIFA is a transparent organization that never takes bribes ;)

Memorial to Boris Nemstov:

Hilarious store name and styles in the famous GUM Mall:

I will forever be jealous at how clean and beautiful Moscow’s subways are. They are pristine art museums compared to the filthy public transport systems in the US. Mural to Lenin in a subway station:

Subway mosaic of Russian soldiers in the Great Patriotic War:

Modern Russian soldiers: the most hated people on the planet and the reason why there were zero security issues at the entire World Cup. Trading the Lord of War for a woke WNBA player would be the ultimate DEI ESG foreign policy move.

Raucous celebrations following Russia’s advancement into the knockout stages. I and all of my friends on this trip were happily married, but we can attest that Russian girls are every bit as stunning as you’d imagine. Their government warned them not to cavort with foreign fans because they may spread disease. Moscow and Saint Petersburg are the only Western cities I’ve been to that do not have rainbow flags, obesity, homelessness, piercings, tattoos, and colored hair everywhere.

Obligatory souvenir:

Saint Petersburg’s Scarlet Sails Summer Solstice celebration (say that 5 times fast):

Fan zone outside of the Church of the Blood of the Savior:

Roof of the church:

Church altar:

The Hermitage, former residence of the czars and now one of the world’s greatest art museums:

Portraits of great Russian generals:

Saint Petersburg is a living museum that is often described as the Venice of the North - evening cityscape from the canals:

Rooftop tour with the granddaughter of a WWII bomber spotter, next to one of the lookout posts:

Museum of Soviet arcade games:

Russian sniper game:

Talented xylophonist at the Summer Garden:

Soviet era textbook depiction of Armenia:

Baltic hipsters:

How the Great Patriotic War was won:

Instead of CRT, Soviet students learned about submarines and nuclear reactors:

How To Play Football: