How To Get Into Harvard - The 2022 Demoralized DIEvy League Rankings

Yuri's demoralization rankings of US News & World Report's Top 15 US Colleges

Comrades: Welcome to a special Sunday edition of How To with Yuri Bezmenov. This will be my longest and spiciest post yet, so buckle up boys and girls. Professor Bezmenov is taking our top schools to school.

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Over the past decade, college devolved from the best time in one’s life to the most miserable. Our leading universities have become brainwashing Karentocracies whose core curriculum is The Current Thing, not critical thinking. Funded by the largesse of tax-free endowments, the administrator to faculty ratio has reached 1:1 at many universities. You can’t even set foot on campus without 3 sperm-reducing injections and a mask, so you are properly spayed and neutered from courage to challenge the groupthink. This generation of college students has no idea what they missed.

Unless you’re a STEM or pre-professional major, the primary value of college is the network. I am still close with many college friends and there are plenty of alums and students who are lovely human beings. However, the demoralization has worsened exponentially since the time I was on campus. The ROI of private universities continues to diminish as tuition costs rise and salaries remain stagnant.

US News & World Report ranks colleges every year based on irrelevant metrics like graduation rates (22%), academic reputation (20%), faculty resources (20%), and student financial resources and “selectivity” (17%). The most recent standings were #1 Princeton, #2 (tie) Harvard/MIT/Columbia, #5 Yale, #6 (tie) Stanford/Chicago, #8 UPenn, #9 (tie) CalTech/Duke/JHU/Northwestern, #13 Dartmouth, #14 (tie) Brown/Vanderbilt.

In today’s post, Yuri will re-rank USNWR’s Top 15 based on demoralization levels using the following criteria: damage caused by its living alumni, extremist views of its professors, and physiognomy of its president and campus. I attended one of these illustrious institutions and know alums from all of them, so I will add color commentary on their unique characteristics and declines. We need fewer Trigglypuffs, more THIS IS LIBRARY.

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#1: Harvard

Harvard is always at the top of any college list. Its administration recently attempted to ban all single-sex social organizations. Its new Chief Chaplain is an atheist. The admissions office openly discriminates against Boba Asians by giving them lower “personality scores” to compensate for their superior test scores, which is now being reviewed by the Supreme Court. The majority of its students are legacies, athletes, or “under-represented” minorities.

Harvard suspended star economist Roland Fryer for publishing research that did not fit the narrative and not being politically Black enough. Meanwhile, its former chemistry department chair Charles Lieber was charged with six felonies for concealing his involvement in the CCP’s Thousand Talents Program of IP theft. Winnie the Pooh sent his only daughter to the Cambridge finishing school of CCP princelings and foreign elites. Fauxahantas lied about her heritage to win a coveted professorship. Horse fascist Jacinda Ardern gave the last commencement address to enthusiastic applause.

Alums include Barack Obama, Al Gore, Chuck Schumer, John Roberts, Katanji Brown Jackson (what is a woman?), Admiral Dr. Rachel Levine (supposedly a woman), Bill Gates (dropout), Mark Zuckerberg (dropout), Sheryl Sandberg, The Unabomber, Jared Kushner, Matt Damon, Michelle Wu, Rochelle Walensky, and Joy Reid. The Harvard School of Public Health has spawned thousands of lockdown, mask, and jab fanatics. William F Buckley once said: “I would rather be governed by the first 2,000 people in the telephone directory than by the Harvard University faculty”. President Lawrence Bacow abruptly announced his departure after a record short tenure of 5 years. I would bet my life savings that the next president will not be a white male.

#2: Yale

Yale will always be second to Harvard and all Yalies have a chip on their shoulder because of it. As with other competitions, Yale seems to be trying its hardest to top Harvard the #1 most NPC demoralized university. Not long ago, this inferiority complex manifested in more anodyne ways like “That Yale Thing”, theater kid cringe (That’s Why I Chose Yaaale) and a good old fashioned prank at the Harvard-Yale football game (Harvard Sucks).

Then it got ugly. Student mobs yelled at and forced out a pair of married professors for daring to say that you can wear what you want on Halloween. Yale Law School students shut down a Federalist society member from speaking. The future will be bright with judges like these running kangaroo courts.

Alums include George HW Bush, George W Bush, John Kerry (The 2004 Election was Skull & Bones duel), Bill Clinton, Hillary Rodham, Chesa Boudin, Stacy Abrams, Anderson Cooper, Steve Schwarzman, plus Ron Desantis and Clarence Thomas (2 legendary Yuri-style class traitors). Yale’s motto is Lux et Veritas (truth and light), one-upping Harvard’s Veritas (truth), but both have regressed to the dark ages. As the Bezos Post says, Democracy Dies in the Darkness. New Haven is a dump, the worst college town on this list.

#3: Columbia

I don’t know how Columbia was ranked #2 by USNWR. It operates more like a corporation that profits from useless grad school programs and being the second largest landlord in NYC. North Korean defector Yeonmi Park found that the ideological conformity on campus was similar to the country she escaped. Students like Davide Giri and Tessa Majors are regularly sacrificed to Harlem’s vibrancy. Columbia’s most infamous alum is the discredited mattress girl.

#4: Brown

Brown is the epicenter of limousine liberalism. 40% of its students come from the Top 1%, fulfilling the stereotype of Current Thing drum circle protestors who summer at their family homes in Martha’s Vineyard. It is also the easiest degree to earn because students can elect to take every class pass/fail.

The brilliant Glenn Loury has to share the faculty club with child abusers like Dr. Michelle Forcier of “What is a Woman?” and Dr. Ashish Jha, who is now the White House and Pfizer’s COVID Czar. The latter stated the vaccines are “safe and effective” months after Brown covered up a student hospitalization from jab induced myocarditis.

Insider trading and vodka enthusiast Nancy Pelosi delivered its last commencement address right after her husband was arrested for DUI. Emma Watson is the stereotypical Brown alum: international, wealthy, and turned into an unpleasant short-haired feminist after going there. Her hairstyle now matches fellow alums Janet Yellen and Tiara Mack (twerking groomer Rhode Island State Senator - Eye Bleach Warning)

#5: Stanford

Stanford has by far the most beautiful campus of any school on this list and feels like a resort with perfect weather. Located in the heart of Silicon Valley, it is an incubator of innovation. However, it has fully embraced The Current Thing. A heartbreaking account of administration fun Stasi gutting student life can be found here. Students protested against The Great Barrington Declaration, sponsored by Dr. Jay Bhattacharya and Dr. Scott Atlas. Stanford admitted a student who wrote Black Lives Matter 100 times as his college essay.

A Stanford alum has touched almost every piece of information you consume. They include Sergey Brin, Larry Page, Reed Hastings, Reid Hoffman, Cory Booker, and Rachel Maddow. Based alums David Sacks, Keith Rabois, and Peter Thiel wrote a prescient book about the leftist takeover of academia in the 90s called The Diversity Myth. Legendary Professor Thomas Sowell holds down the fort at The Hoover Institution, which posts high quality long form interviews with people like Peter Thiel and Jordan Peterson.

#6 Johns Hopkins

Medicine and grooming, that’s what JHU does. Perennially ranked #1 in pre-med and medical programs, JHU lost the plot by hiring Allyn Walker. They/them was fired from ODU for defending “Minor Attracted Persons”, so the stunning and brave geniuses at JHU decided to hire them in its Moore Center for the Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse. What could possibly go wrong? While not an undergrad or grad program, its renowned Center for Talented Youth (CTY) summer camp pulled a Fyre Festival with a farcical last minute cancellation. This is what happens when you hire for diversity instead of competence.

#7: Princeton

Princeton was traditionally the conservative Ivy known for its selective eating clubs, which were featured in F Scott Fitzgerald’s seminal works. Now it’s indistinguishable from the other Ivies. Princeton went on a renaming spree, removing segregationalist Democrat Woodrow Wilson’s name from its prestigious school of international studies - yet the vast majority of its faculty and student body vote Democrat. Dr. Fauci received a standing ovation at its last commencement ceremony.

Alums include Jeff Bezos, Eric Schmidt, Michelle Obama, Sonia Sotomayor, Robert Mueller, Mark Milley, Donald Rumsfeld, and Colinford Mattis (lawyer who threw a molotov cocktail into an NYPD vehicle during the Summer 2020 mostly peaceful protests). They love dressing up in orange and black at their famously raucous reunions. Conservative classics professor Joshua Katz was forced to resign, while leftist plagiarist Kevin Kruse continues his grift. Soy bugman President Christopher Eisgruber self owned when he proclaimed that Princeton was a “systemically racist” institution, which prompted the previous administration’s DOJ to launch an investigation. PS: Google “Princeton Rub”.

#8: UPenn

UPenn will go down in history as the school that supported Lia Thomas’ destruction of women’s swimming records and bullied his teammates into submission. They even nominated her as woman of the year. However, it will never be fully cucked because it has Wharton - one of the world’s best business schools. Whartonites exude Gordon Gekko capitalist lust and don’t like being associated with the rest of the school, especially if you call it Penn State. I’ll take robber baron alums like Orange Man and Spaceship Man over SJWs any day.

#9: Northwestern

Northwestern has the least distinctive personality of any school on this list. All I know is that they love the color purple. Its campus is located in Evanston, a pozzed Chicago suburb that pays reparations. Northwestern’s journalism and media school is an NPC factory that has pumped out unfunny Current Thing purveyors like Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, and Veep Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

#10: UChicago

Where fun goes to die. Like Columbia, UChicago is located in a vibrant neighborhood where students like Max Lewis, Dennis Zhang, and Yiran Fan are regularly sacrificed in the name of restorative justice and anti-racism. On the positive side, it has distinguished itself recently with a president who took a stand for intellectual diversity and based Zoomers launching The Chicago Thinker. Ironically, one of the world’s best economics departments produced Bernie Sanders as an alum. Nate Silver is the perfect specimen of the school’s wonky soy bugman aesthetic.

#11: MIT

MIT is the world’s top engineering school and has managed to maintain a high bar. Unlike many other schools on this list, it still requires standardized test scores and its coursework is grueling. Embarrassingly, MIT accepted a large donation from Jeffrey Epstein who had close ties with its former media lab director.

#12: Duke

Duke is best known for obnoxious basketball fans who worship God Emperor Coach K. The Duke Lacrosse Scandal was the first major battle in the ongoing “rape culture” wars, during which the school threw its lax bros under the bus without due process. They were later exonerated and deservedly won handsome settlements. Duke is called the Harvard of the South, as most of the student body are carpetbaggers from northern blue states.

#13: Dartmouth

Dartmouth is best known as the inspiration for Animal House because you have to drink a lot to survive the cold and isolation. Strong Greek life provides antibodies against demoralization and wokeness, but Dartmouth still shares the sentiments of its Ivy peers. I never understood why they play beer pong with handle-less paddles.

#14: CalTech

The nerdier West Coast version of MIT, CalTech is by far the smallest school on this list. While it is insulated from demoralization by its focus on engineering, its last commencement ceremony had mask and booster mandates outdoors. An epic fail for science.

#15: Vanderbilt

I haven’t heard any stories about wokeness at Vanderbilt and it’s the only true Southern school on this list, so it wins least demoralized by default. Like many institutions, they recently changed a unique traditional logo to generic Word Art.

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Please note that these demoralization rankings only cover USNWR’s Top 15 Colleges. There are well over 15 colleges that are more demoralized than Harvard. They include The Seven Sisters all-girls schools (Smith, Wellesley, etc), "Little Ivies” (Wesleyan, Swarthmore, Oberlin, etc), Antifa Training Camps (Portland State, Evergreen State), and the entire University of California system.

The least demoralized colleges that I am aware of are UATX, Hillsdale, St. John’s College, Liberty, and Purdue.

How demoralized is your alma mater? Did I miss anything in the Top 15? Fire away in the comments!