How To Write an Open Letter to Thierry Breton

Yuri's spicy translation of and response to EU censorship commissar Thierry Breton's open letter threatening Elon Musk, with shout outs to Pavel, Zuck, and de Moraes at the end

Comrades: Thierry Breton is the unelected censorship commissar of the EU. His threatening letter to Elon will go down in history as a stain the wall of shame. I have translated his Orwellian doublespeak and responded on behalf of all humans who value free speech.

***If you aren’t planning to visit Europe, you can e-mail this to him at cab-breton-contact@ec.europa.eu

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EUROPEAN COMMISSION
Thierry Breton
Member of the Commission
Brussels, 12 August 2024

EUROPEAN COMINTERN
Thierry Breton
Censorship Commissar
Occupied Brussels, 12 August 2024

Dear Mr Musk,

I am writing to you in the context of recent events in the United Kingdom and in relation to the planned broadcast on your platform X of a live conversation between a US presidential candidate and yourself, which will also be accessible to users in the EU.

Deplorable Elon,

I am big mad that you are showing migrant crimes in the UK and talking to he who must not be named: Donald Drumpf, literally Hitler. No one in the EU elected me, but I am speaking on behalf of all Europeans while censoring what they can see. That is how we protect our sacred Democracy and stay on the right side of history.

I understand that you are currently doing a stress test of the platform. In this context, I am compelled to remind you of the due diligence obligations set out in the Digital Services Act (DSA), as outlined in my previous letter. As the individual entity ultimately controlling a platform with over 300 million users worldwide, of which one third in the EU, that has been designated as a Very Large Online Platform, you have the legal obligation to ensure X's compliance with EU law and in particular the DSA in the EU.

Nice platform you got there. Would be a shame if someone did more “due diligence” on it. Anyone with EU users is now subject to our laws, not their home country, because we are power hungry globalist psychopaths.

This notably means ensuring, on one hand, that freedom of expression and of information, including media freedom and pluralism, are effectively protected and, on the other hand, that all proportionate and effective mitigation measures are put in place regarding the amplification of harmful content in connection with relevant events, including live streaming, which, if unaddressed, might increase the risk profile of X and generate detrimental effects on civic discourse and public security. This is important against the background of recent examples of public unrest brought about by the amplification of content that promotes hatred, disorder, incitement to violence, or certain instances of disinformation.

I will virtue signal you into submission by cramming as many commas and word salad copy pasta into one run-on sentence as possible. We define what is hatred and disinformation. Anyone who tweets wrongthink will be thrown in the gulags.

It also implies i) informing EU judicial and administrative authorities without undue delay on the measures taken to address their orders against content considered illegal, according to national and/ or EU law, ii) taking timely, diligent, non-arbitrary and objective action upon receipt of notices by users considering certain content illegal, iii) informing users concerning the measures taken upon receipt of the relevant notice, and iv) publicly reporting about content moderation measures.

Report all dissidents to Big Brother. You must comply with our hall monitors. Free speech is illegal in Europe. Eurasia has always been at war with Oceania. War is Peace; Freedom Is Slavery; Diversity Is Strength.

In this respect, I note that the DSA obligations apply without exceptions or discrimination to the moderation of the whole user community and content of X (including yourself as a user with over 190 million followers) which is accessible to EU users and should be fulfilled in line with the risk-based approach of the DSA, which requires greater due diligence in case of a foreseeable increase of the risk profile. As you know, formal proceedings are already ongoing against X under the DSA, notably in areas linked to the dissemination of illegal content and the effectiveness of the measures taken to combat disinformation. As the relevant content is accessible to EU users and being amplified also in our jurisdiction, we cannot exclude potential spillovers in the EU. Therefore, we are monitoring the potential risks in the EU associated with the dissemination of content that may incite violence, hate and racism in conjunction with major political - or societal - events around the world, including debates and interviews in the context of elections.

In this respect, as you know, I will continue to shake you down and threaten you. Like a good Communist, I will project because I am the risk to civilization. Everything we don’t like is racist, so you can’t have any debates about mass migration in your elections.

Let me clarify that any negative effect of illegal content on X in the EU, which could be attributed to the ineffectiveness of the way in which X applies the relevant provisions of the DSA, may be relevant in the context of the ongoing proceedings and of the overall assessment of X's compliance with EU law. This is in line with what has already been done in the recent past, for example in relation to the repercussions and amplification of terrorist content or content that incites violence, hate and racism in the EU, such as in the context of the recent riots in the United Kingdom.

Let me clarify by regurgitating more copy pasta word salad, such as in the context of, to sound smart.

I therefore urge you to promptly ensure the effectiveness of your systems and to report measures taken to my team. My services and I will be extremely vigilant to any evidence that points to breaches of the DSA and will not hesitate to make full use of our toolbox, including by adopting interim measures, should it be warranted to protect EU citizens from serious harm.

EU citizens have been disarmed, so they can’t protect themselves from dictators like me. My toolbox is full of horrors like making the unvaccinated wear yellow stars, camps for the unclean, and digital gulags. I have learned nothing from European history.

Yours sincerely,

Thierry Breton

Commission européenne/Europese Commissie, 1049 Bruxelles/Brussel, BELGIQUE/BELGIË

Cc: Linda Yaccarino, CEO of X

Yours passive aggressively,

Thierry Breton

Censorship Czar / European Comintern / Occupied Belgium

Cc: Longhouse

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Here is our response - upgrades appreciated if you enjoyed this:

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Dear Thierry,

Sincerely,

All Freedom Loving People

United States of America

CC: Fuhrer Ursula of The Fourth Reich - come get your boy.

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Learn from Mr. Bean:

Free Pavel:

Vai se foder, de Moraes:

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Dear Zuck: Way to be a decade late to the party and hedge your bets…

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Mao would be proud of EU: