I know of an (east) Indian couple who were married in just the way described here. It makes perfect sense. I wish my own parents had been more involved and less 'laissez faire'.
BTW, my son-in-law actually asked for our daughter's hand in marriage. It was a forgone conclusion that they would become engaged, but he showed us the courtesy and consideration of asking our consent. Not surprisingly, we think the world of our son-in-law.
Good son in law. A man should always ask for the blessing of a woman’s parents to marry her. I did the same for Mrs. B and get along great with my in laws.
I’m absolutely delighted that one of my nieces, who had been single for a very long time, just got engaged to a lovely young man. They seem so happy and I do believe they are a great match. We are Indian and the initial meetings were arranged by the two families. 💍
the happiest and most long lasting marriages i know of in my long life, were between high school sweethearts who "fell in love" in junior high, married, had kids, and stayed together until one died after 60 years together. Maybe these arranged marriages should start in 8th grade but I doubt that any parent would have chosen the very devoted Presbyterian boy for their VERY Catholoic daughter - in those days such things mattered.
My high school sweetheart got back in touch mid-pandemic and proposed we go to a 5-hour BLM trance march in Seattle... lol! I declined, and received an unsolicited land acknowledgment instead. Nice. Needless to say, that did not work out! The "woke mind virus" got her (which in effect seems like an intentionally female-targeted and thus asymmetric subversion of heterosexuality ya know?) Alas, I otherwise agree with you – many such (successful) anecdotes along these lines!
This would require a change in attitude towards commitment and the idea that you can learn to love someone, as opposed to the romantic idea of falling in love with the one
I compared a match making CV from a mutual friend with a Tinder profile and they show the same information with the exception of family history. It’s really not that different. I also found Gen Z to be more open minded about this exact proposal than Millennials. Yet Millennials are the parents who need to help solve this problem.
Love this. I keep my eye open for the singles at church but I’m rarely asked. I have a friend whose parents immigrated from India, and when he turned 30 his mom asked if he would think about her friend’s daughter. They’re married now. Awesome couple.
I think men closing in on or past 30 seem to be more interested in suggestions from friends. People in their 20s seem to freak out at suggestions.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The real übermensch-move will be for millennials to arrange their own marriage, which is to say, make some committed moves (perhaps remotely)! Obviously that's kind of a joke, but only a half-joke as I do think some kind of extra-intentionality has to be exerted now that we live in unprecedentedly socially entropic and digitally distant times. My maternal grandparents got married after 48-hours (granted, during WWII) but still, it worked out – they arranged their own marriage in a sense.
"Be a mensch – do the right thing" as a Chinese coworker of mine would always say lol! I think she got arranged-married; right on! Whereas the guaranteed self-sabotage adage of "If it's meant to be, it'll work" is a resignation to eternal childhood: living within a constant potential – of course young people who say such things are single (or in some strange purgatorial partnership). Marriage, just like adulthood (and definitely related modalities) has to be acted on – it's not some passive biological process as many millennials presume (or are too afraid to confront the reality of). Let the Age of Adults commence! One can risk enthusiasm, at least.
I'm thinking about going it this way soon, and arranging for a Japanese 'omiai' service when I reach Japan, to set me up. It seems like the best possible idea for meeting someone as dating around and searching and spending months looking seems like a massive waste of time to me.
I plan though to follow all the traditions of Japan, with regards to this sort of thing such as asking her father, for permission and planning the wedding when I've a position as a French high-school teacher firmly in place.
My parents met in high school and had a long and successful marriage. My husband and I went to the same high school (but never really met since he was in the smart kids classes). We were set up on a semi-blind date by his cousin and have been married now for over 30 years! People need all the help they can get!
Good thing you included a map because when you were talking about relative marriages my first thought was about European royalty. From the other end of the economic spectrum, my Swiss ex-wife had grandmothers who were double first cousins and had exactly the same first, middle and last name. And the middle and last name were the same. When our daughter was working on genealogy, she commented that they were all hillbillies. With modernity and prosperity, that seems to have died out.
Interesting hypothesis. This sounds like the plot of any K-drama - chaebol families arranging marriages with each other's children. What would need to be in place for this to become a thing among middle class families?
Never thought about the natural selection component before. Seems the least advantageous political ideology that encourages no children effectively kills itself off over time as those of us having kids and stressing the importance of conservative ideas will, in long term, become more prevalent.
I know of an (east) Indian couple who were married in just the way described here. It makes perfect sense. I wish my own parents had been more involved and less 'laissez faire'.
BTW, my son-in-law actually asked for our daughter's hand in marriage. It was a forgone conclusion that they would become engaged, but he showed us the courtesy and consideration of asking our consent. Not surprisingly, we think the world of our son-in-law.
Good son in law. A man should always ask for the blessing of a woman’s parents to marry her. I did the same for Mrs. B and get along great with my in laws.
I’m absolutely delighted that one of my nieces, who had been single for a very long time, just got engaged to a lovely young man. They seem so happy and I do believe they are a great match. We are Indian and the initial meetings were arranged by the two families. 💍
the happiest and most long lasting marriages i know of in my long life, were between high school sweethearts who "fell in love" in junior high, married, had kids, and stayed together until one died after 60 years together. Maybe these arranged marriages should start in 8th grade but I doubt that any parent would have chosen the very devoted Presbyterian boy for their VERY Catholoic daughter - in those days such things mattered.
So true. High school sweethearts are rare and precious now. Hope Gen Z and Gen Alpha bring wholesome back.
My high school sweetheart got back in touch mid-pandemic and proposed we go to a 5-hour BLM trance march in Seattle... lol! I declined, and received an unsolicited land acknowledgment instead. Nice. Needless to say, that did not work out! The "woke mind virus" got her (which in effect seems like an intentionally female-targeted and thus asymmetric subversion of heterosexuality ya know?) Alas, I otherwise agree with you – many such (successful) anecdotes along these lines!
This would require a change in attitude towards commitment and the idea that you can learn to love someone, as opposed to the romantic idea of falling in love with the one
I compared a match making CV from a mutual friend with a Tinder profile and they show the same information with the exception of family history. It’s really not that different. I also found Gen Z to be more open minded about this exact proposal than Millennials. Yet Millennials are the parents who need to help solve this problem.
Love this. I keep my eye open for the singles at church but I’m rarely asked. I have a friend whose parents immigrated from India, and when he turned 30 his mom asked if he would think about her friend’s daughter. They’re married now. Awesome couple.
I think men closing in on or past 30 seem to be more interested in suggestions from friends. People in their 20s seem to freak out at suggestions.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The real übermensch-move will be for millennials to arrange their own marriage, which is to say, make some committed moves (perhaps remotely)! Obviously that's kind of a joke, but only a half-joke as I do think some kind of extra-intentionality has to be exerted now that we live in unprecedentedly socially entropic and digitally distant times. My maternal grandparents got married after 48-hours (granted, during WWII) but still, it worked out – they arranged their own marriage in a sense.
"Be a mensch – do the right thing" as a Chinese coworker of mine would always say lol! I think she got arranged-married; right on! Whereas the guaranteed self-sabotage adage of "If it's meant to be, it'll work" is a resignation to eternal childhood: living within a constant potential – of course young people who say such things are single (or in some strange purgatorial partnership). Marriage, just like adulthood (and definitely related modalities) has to be acted on – it's not some passive biological process as many millennials presume (or are too afraid to confront the reality of). Let the Age of Adults commence! One can risk enthusiasm, at least.
“The instinctual will inherit the earth from the institutionalized.” Love that! Great piece, and relates to the email I will send you soon.
I'm thinking about going it this way soon, and arranging for a Japanese 'omiai' service when I reach Japan, to set me up. It seems like the best possible idea for meeting someone as dating around and searching and spending months looking seems like a massive waste of time to me.
I plan though to follow all the traditions of Japan, with regards to this sort of thing such as asking her father, for permission and planning the wedding when I've a position as a French high-school teacher firmly in place.
there is a reason the birth rate is higher in Utah. I will let you figure that out
My parents met in high school and had a long and successful marriage. My husband and I went to the same high school (but never really met since he was in the smart kids classes). We were set up on a semi-blind date by his cousin and have been married now for over 30 years! People need all the help they can get!
Good thing you included a map because when you were talking about relative marriages my first thought was about European royalty. From the other end of the economic spectrum, my Swiss ex-wife had grandmothers who were double first cousins and had exactly the same first, middle and last name. And the middle and last name were the same. When our daughter was working on genealogy, she commented that they were all hillbillies. With modernity and prosperity, that seems to have died out.
Interesting hypothesis. This sounds like the plot of any K-drama - chaebol families arranging marriages with each other's children. What would need to be in place for this to become a thing among middle class families?
Without a BIBLICAL societal-individual basis for marriage, and the family, all we have are shadows and dust.
Look around.
Never thought about the natural selection component before. Seems the least advantageous political ideology that encourages no children effectively kills itself off over time as those of us having kids and stressing the importance of conservative ideas will, in long term, become more prevalent.