How To Work a Bullshit Job 80+ Hours Per Week
8 short stories from my lived experience working brutal hours at a bullshit job
Comrades: Working 80 hours per week is dehumanizing and unnecessary.
My first job after college demanded long hours in a toxic culture. Every year, several junior level employees die on the job in this industry. One of my talented friends from college became one of the casualties. Today, I will share 8 short stories from this brutal bullshit job on recruiting, training, grinding, drugs, bribery, money laundering, H1B, and DEI.
The Recruitment Grooming
Every fall, recruiters descend upon the Demoralized DIEvy League. They lure students with delicious food far superior to dining halls and a simple pitch. You are a smart striver, but you are feeling insecure because you don’t know what you want to do with your life. That’s fine. We were once in your shoes. Here is another set of hoops to hump through.
At Globocorp, we will train you to help you develop marketable skills. We will pay you more than anyone at your age should be making relative to the value you add. You will work with other smart strivers to solve complex problems and make an impact. Everyone wants this career, so you should too. Check out our diverse, happy employees in this glossy brochure and video!
The Excel Monkey Training
Training was the most fun part of the process. For two months, we learned how to use Microsoft Excel and Powerpoint for every conceivable analysis. The goal was for everyone to be on the same page by the end of it, whether they majored in finance at Wharton or English at Bryn Mawr. Any intelligent high school graduate could do this work. What was the value of a piece of paper that cost $200,000 over 4 years?
We knew our hours would get far worse after training concluded, so we treated it like a study abroad and spent our first paychecks on degenerate partying. Since we completed the course alongside new hires from around the world, we enjoyed the camaraderie and cultural exchange. We saw every stereotype play out: the French complained that an hour was not enough time for a lunch break, the Germans shook hands firmly and drank us all under the table, and the Americans were loud and obnoxious. Many romantic relationships formed because there was no social life outside of work. Some lasted a night, others lasted a lifetime. There was no loyalty between us and the company. They spent resources training us, but we all knew no one would stay for more than a few years.
Since the remaining 6 anecdotes are spicy and revealing, I am paywalling them…