Pakistan did such a great job of protecting the Islamic hero, Osama bin Laden that he lasted for years with his wives just a short distance from their army HQ in the region. My own experience of being stationed in Badaber in Peshawar where the U-2's flew from in the 50's was a great insight into women living in the stone age behind their mandatory veils. Delightful people for sure.
Yep, your satirical juxtapositioning of Pakistan and the UK perfectly highlights this current British madness. Having lived in Pakistan myself for a couple years, I cannot purge from my memory the horrible persecution (murder, rape, and constant hectoring) of the tiny Christian minority there in Pakistan. Alas, it is difficult to be optimistic about the fate of the United Kingdom these days. Seeking to be open to differing cultures, and embracing diversity, is laudable. However, turning a blind eye and to, and then celebrating, murder in the streets and the rape of children throughout the UK is not likely to end well. Let us hope that your highlighting the nonsense will get some traction and bring about clearer thinking on these difficult issues destroying Great Britain.
Simply brilliant. This satire peels away the veneer of how inured we've become to the deconstruction of Western society. It's like looking in a reverse image mirror - what a shock - that's me!
“Good evening. We begin tonight with a stunning humanitarian story out of South Asia, where Pakistan continues its historic effort to resettle tens of thousands of Christian British migrants — a bold move that’s drawing both praise and controversy worldwide.”
In what officials are calling the “Indus Integration Initiative,” Prime Minister Mohammed Kefir bin Starmzad today reaffirmed his government’s commitment to welcoming displaced Britons seeking refuge from the economic instability, dental crisis, and soggy toast shortages plaguing the United Kingdom.
Thousands of new arrivals reportedly cross into Pakistan each week, many by inflatable raft or paddleboat, making the treacherous journey across the Indus River with nothing but a suitcase of cardigans, a box set of Downton Abbey, and dreams of subsidized dental care.
CNN’s Senior South Asia Correspondent, Laila Yousafzai, reports from Islamabad.
[CUT TO LAILA – LIVE IN FRONT OF A LUXURY HOTEL]
LAILA:
“Anderson, behind me is the five-star Sheraton Indus Palace, now converted into what the government calls a ‘Compassion Housing Pod’ for British migrants. Residents here receive free healthcare, daily cups of Yorkshire tea, and mandatory training in Pakistani street cricket.”
Officials estimate that over 3 trillion rupees annually are now being funneled into what critics call ‘The Scone Pipeline.’ But supporters argue it’s a moral imperative — a response to Britain’s collapsing NHS and an act of global reverse colonial justice.
Prime Minister bin Starmzad spoke earlier today at the UN:
[CLIP – BIN STARMZAD]:
“Let us build a world where no Briton is left without a bidet, biryani, or a decent dentist.”
But not everyone’s on board. Tensions are rising as native-born Pakistanis express concern over job competition, cultural clashes, and a spike in unauthorized pub-style brawling outside chai stalls.
Anderson?
[BACK TO STUDIO]
ANDERSON:
“Thank you, Laila. Incredible reporting. When we come back — are British migrants hacking soldiers to death with antique sabres from the Tower of London? A troubling report from Rawalpindi. Stay with us.”
I guess one big victory for the DEI movement has been to instill an intractable sense of guilt into white progs, leading them to vote for the most progressive candidates possible in a futile pursuit of relief. The joke's on them, though. It has turned the Labour (replaces Democrat) Party into a suicide pact. Who's bringing the Kool-Aid?
Pakistan did such a great job of protecting the Islamic hero, Osama bin Laden that he lasted for years with his wives just a short distance from their army HQ in the region. My own experience of being stationed in Badaber in Peshawar where the U-2's flew from in the 50's was a great insight into women living in the stone age behind their mandatory veils. Delightful people for sure.
Yep, your satirical juxtapositioning of Pakistan and the UK perfectly highlights this current British madness. Having lived in Pakistan myself for a couple years, I cannot purge from my memory the horrible persecution (murder, rape, and constant hectoring) of the tiny Christian minority there in Pakistan. Alas, it is difficult to be optimistic about the fate of the United Kingdom these days. Seeking to be open to differing cultures, and embracing diversity, is laudable. However, turning a blind eye and to, and then celebrating, murder in the streets and the rape of children throughout the UK is not likely to end well. Let us hope that your highlighting the nonsense will get some traction and bring about clearer thinking on these difficult issues destroying Great Britain.
Embracing "Diversity" is not laudable. It destroys sovreign nations and their cultures.
Agreed, but embracing diversity is a good excuse for all sorts of evil.
Perfectly done!
Maybe send it Starmer?
On the other hand, think of the savory food the British are bringing to Pakistan.
Appropriately brutal. Thank you for tarry humor this morning.
Simply brilliant. This satire peels away the veneer of how inured we've become to the deconstruction of Western society. It's like looking in a reverse image mirror - what a shock - that's me!
Brutal spice Yuri. I can't tell the difference between fake and real news anymore.
That Judy Dench movie sounds awesome, to be honest.
Brilliant!
A man can only dream...
Nicely done, comrade!
Where is Cromwell now that we need him.
CNN NEWSROOM | LIVE | ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN]
ANCHOR: ANDERSON COOPER-ISH VOICE
“Good evening. We begin tonight with a stunning humanitarian story out of South Asia, where Pakistan continues its historic effort to resettle tens of thousands of Christian British migrants — a bold move that’s drawing both praise and controversy worldwide.”
In what officials are calling the “Indus Integration Initiative,” Prime Minister Mohammed Kefir bin Starmzad today reaffirmed his government’s commitment to welcoming displaced Britons seeking refuge from the economic instability, dental crisis, and soggy toast shortages plaguing the United Kingdom.
Thousands of new arrivals reportedly cross into Pakistan each week, many by inflatable raft or paddleboat, making the treacherous journey across the Indus River with nothing but a suitcase of cardigans, a box set of Downton Abbey, and dreams of subsidized dental care.
CNN’s Senior South Asia Correspondent, Laila Yousafzai, reports from Islamabad.
[CUT TO LAILA – LIVE IN FRONT OF A LUXURY HOTEL]
LAILA:
“Anderson, behind me is the five-star Sheraton Indus Palace, now converted into what the government calls a ‘Compassion Housing Pod’ for British migrants. Residents here receive free healthcare, daily cups of Yorkshire tea, and mandatory training in Pakistani street cricket.”
Officials estimate that over 3 trillion rupees annually are now being funneled into what critics call ‘The Scone Pipeline.’ But supporters argue it’s a moral imperative — a response to Britain’s collapsing NHS and an act of global reverse colonial justice.
Prime Minister bin Starmzad spoke earlier today at the UN:
[CLIP – BIN STARMZAD]:
“Let us build a world where no Briton is left without a bidet, biryani, or a decent dentist.”
But not everyone’s on board. Tensions are rising as native-born Pakistanis express concern over job competition, cultural clashes, and a spike in unauthorized pub-style brawling outside chai stalls.
Anderson?
[BACK TO STUDIO]
ANDERSON:
“Thank you, Laila. Incredible reporting. When we come back — are British migrants hacking soldiers to death with antique sabres from the Tower of London? A troubling report from Rawalpindi. Stay with us.”
[MUSIC PLAYS — “CNN SPECIAL REPORT” STINGER]
Cross-posting with an edit...
I guess one big victory for the DEI movement has been to instill an intractable sense of guilt into white progs, leading them to vote for the most progressive candidates possible in a futile pursuit of relief. The joke's on them, though. It has turned the Labour (replaces Democrat) Party into a suicide pact. Who's bringing the Kool-Aid?
Funny but sad. You didn't need to exaggerate. Depicting a direct reversal of actual reality is all it took.
Hilarious and timely.
True, oh so true...