How To Reimagine Team America (Kamala, F*** Yeah!)
Reimagining the Team America's signature subversive speech about dicks, pussies, assholes to modern clown world and a parody song for Vice President Horizontal Heiress, plus memes at bottom
Comrades: Team America World Police is one of the most subversive films in the post-9/11 era.
South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone released Team America in 2004 to satirize the military industrial complex as it destroyed Iraq in the name of freedom. If it were made today, the woke mob and the warmongers would team up to cancel it. Team America delivers every type of humor from absurd slapstick to sharp, subtle digs. The UN, Kim Jong Il, Hollywood, Michael Moore, terrorists, and American chest thumping are all masterfully skewered.
I recently rewatched Team America and it has aged like fine wine. Today I will apply the film’s legendary Dicks, Pussies, and Assholes speech to our modern clown world. I have also made a parody of its iconic song “America, F*** Yeah” in tribute to Dear Leader Kamala.
See, there are three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything. So pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes! And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!
We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong-ll is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes — assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate — and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
In How To Spot a Sociopath, I cited the book “The Sociopath Next Door” which found that 4% of the population are sociopaths, 60% go with the flow to avoid conflict, and 36% are disagreeable dissenters like us. Sociopaths are the assholes, dissenters are the dicks, and NPCs are the pussies.
We see this pattern in the woke. The commissars are the assholes, woke and woke enablers are the pussies, and anti-woke are dicks. This is the perfect description of cancel culture: “pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes.” Geopolitics follows this pattern as well. Xi and Putin are the assholes, Biden and the uniparty are pussies, and Trump is the dick.
“Have a nice long weekend” Horizontal Heiress is one heartbeat away from becoming leader of the “free world”, so I shall close by honoring her in song. Like Eminem’s “Stan” reimagined as Fauci’s “Karen”, here is “America, F*ck Yeah!” reimagined as “Kamala, F*ck Yeah!”. Original lyrics here and in the video below:
[Intro]
Oh Ka-ma-la…
Oh Ka-ma-la…
[Chorus]
Kamala, fuck yeah!
Comin' again to save the motherfuckin' day, yeah
Kamala (Fuck yeah!)
Safety is the only way, yeah
[Verse 1]
Domestic terrorist your game is through
'Cause now you have to answer to
Kamala (Fuck yeah!)
So lick my butt and suck on my balls
Kamala (Fuck yeah!)
What you gonna do when she comes for you now?
[Bridge]
It's the dream that we all share
It's the hope for tomorrow
(Fuck yeah!)
[Verse 2]
McDonalds (Fuck yeah!)
Pfizer (Fuck yeah!)
Diversity (Fuck yeah!)
Equity (Fuck yeah!)
BLM (Fuck yeah!)
ESG (Fuck yeah!)
Censorship (Fuck yeah!)
Reparations (Fuck yeah!)
[Guitar Solo]
How To F*** White Supremacy
Comrades: One of the main themes of this samizdat is pattern recognition. Let me first say that despite the best efforts our leaders to divide us, I believe we are at an inflection point where people judge each other on the content of their character and not the color on the skin. The last 2 years have exposed the spectrum of all human beings regardless…
[Verse 3]
Starbucks (Fuck yeah!)
Disney World (Fuck yeah!)
Fentanyl (Fuck yeah!)
Willie Brown (Fuck yeah!)
Montel (Fuck yeah!)
Doug Emhoff (Fuck yeah!)
Drag Queens (Fuck yeah!)
George Floyd (Fuck yeah!)
Brandon (Let’s go!)
Bed, Bath & Beyond (Fuck yeah, fuck yeah?)
Word Salad (Fuck yeah!)
Ukraine (Fuck yeah!)
Defund the police (Fuck yeah!)
Cackling (Fuck yeah!)
Karens (Fuck yeah!)
Kwanzaa (Fuck yeah!)
Illegal Immigrants (Fuck yeah!)
Socialists (Fuck yeah!)
Democrats (Fuck yeah!)
Republicans (Fuck yeah, fuck yeah)
Sportsmanship…
Books…
https://twitter.com/RNCResearch/status/1660743670147043340
The other songs in Team America are just as funny:
Savaging Hollywood:
Memes carry on the spirit of Team America:
Is it time for us to liberate demoralized Canada?
"Horizontal Heiress" oh shit. You did it again. I am laughing.
In the meanwhile hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians are pulverized as the West installs a "green" economy where Ukraine used to be. Aren't we so woke?