How To Speak German

New German words, the worst English words, and the best Downfall memes

Comrades: Ze Germans have wonderful words for complex feelings that would require a whole English sentence to describe.

2 housekeeping items before diving into today’s post. First, while I like to make fun of groups, I am against collective guilt and scapegoating. As I have stated previously, there are fun and not so fun people of every type. We should always show love and humor to help people see more clearly. Second, a reader pointed out that I missed one of the most brutal scenes in cinema history from Monday’s How To Save Private Ryan post. I have updated it as Scene 5: Hand To Hand Combat.

During the final battle, Private Mellish engages in hand to hand combat with the same German soldier who was spared in Scene 3. It is one of the most excruciating sequences ever filmed. Minutes felt like hours as they struggled to kill or be killed, dripping sweat and blood onto each other. The entire time they are wrestling, Private Upham is cowering around the corner too scared to help. If he had intervened, they would have easily won the fight. Sadly, Upham’s cowardice costs his comrade’s life. This is akin to the network swarm cancel culture mob and its victims. The mob is able to isolate and destroy its targets only because others are too scared to help.

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Yuri’s favorite German words include:

• Fingerspitzengefühl: "finger tips feeling" meaning intuitive flair or instinct

• Schadenfreude: pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune

• Kummerspeck: “grief bacon”, fat gained by stress eating

• Backpfeifengesicht: a punchable face

• Schnapssidee: an idea you came up with while drunk

• Gleichschaltung: process of establishing totalitarian control, today it would translate to The Current Thing Mass Formation Psychosis

• Fußball: a simple game where 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and, in the end, the Germans always win

  

Yuri has crafted a few new German words for the modern era:

• Gretaputinanus: when you become dependent on Russian oil due to a shrieking Swedish girl, then have to bend over for Putin when he invades Ukraine

• Buttgeigcuckenfreude: pleasure derived from discovering that your wife’s boyfriend also adores Mayor Pete

• Scheisseschwabgefühl: “you own nothing and are happy”, as Obergruppenführer Klaus Schwab repeatedly sticks COVID tests up your butt

• Maschenjabbenmachtfrei: wearing masks and getting jabbed in perpetuity for your “freedom”

• Refugeewilkommentochter: when your daughter is raped and killed by a rapefugee, then you ask funeral attendees to donate to rapefugees because you are an EU bureaucrat (yes, this actually happened)

• Autosnackbar: when cars started running over people all over Germany and Europe 10 years ago, but no one can figure out why

The following English words signal NPC dialogue that should immediately set off your BS detector: Diversity, Inclusion, Equity, Science, Resistance, Sustainable, ESG, Expert, Thot Leader, Reimagine, Systemic, Crisis, Unpack, Transformative, Restorative, Progress, Justice, Baseless, Fact Check, and of course any word that ends in -ism or -phobia. Ironically, the Germans at Deutsche Bank brought down the fascist fraud of ESG.

Video memes are difficult to memesmith, but Hitler Rants Parodies is one of the best in the business. The following Downfall rants he subtitled about Biden, Afghanistan, and Ukraine are fantastisch.

Classic German music: How To Stay Classy

Happy German music (thanks to my high school German teacher, this song is stuck in many people’s heads):

Angry German music:

PS: God bless the Amish - didn’t know where else to put this.