A few years ago I was asked, during an interview, what personal accomplishment I was most proud of. Without any hesitation I said "my kids". No matter what's gone on in my career, that will always be my greatest accomplishment and I get such peace and joy from it.
To have children is the greatest joy in life and gives you a sense of intentional purpose and leaves a legacy for your grandchildren as a job well done. Sacrifice for others is an intentional decision with lifelong dividends.
Sure wish 'responsibility' was more front and center in the discussions about sexual relations and the consequences of them. And once a pregnancy begins - planned or not - that the 2 ppl that create that child - would have a sense of duty & obligation to that child whether they decide to parent that child or make an adoption plan.
In our culture today we have a disposable attitude about too many things. Sadly, children have become just another expendable 'item' to be disposed of.
The other thing that has been condemned is adoption or if it is chosen, an "open" adoption. As a late 50 year old adopted child, my parents were my parents. Period. End of story. The teenager who gave birth to me was only 15 or 16 years old from what I do know (and I don't care to ever meet her or open that Pandora's Box that can't be shut back) and my life would have been very different. The choice was made to give me a chance at a better life.
Now adoption is "you gave up your child." No, you didn't. You chose to think of someone else in our narcissistic world. Sure when I was a teenager and would angry at my parents, I thought "maybe things would have been better with her" in my selfish thinking. Now that I'm 40+ years on the other side of that - that is selfish and immature.
I've always said if someone called me asking me to visit if she were dying and wanting to know she made the right decision, I would go in a minute to thank her and tell her she did and how thankful I am that she did.
Look around. Look how many teenagers are "raising" children that will continue to repeat the cycle again and again. It used to be something looked down on and not celebrated if a girl got "knocked up." Now they want a baby doll and often grandma is pushing it.
And one final thought - I also think "open" adoptions are WRONG. 100% WRONG. It confuses a child and allows the birth person (not a mother because my mother is my mother) to have control. A little child can't handle that drama and doesn't need it.
My wife and I had decided early on that she would be a stay at home Mom for our three children. She was offered her dream position one week before she gave her notice. I picked up a second job some years later to pay for a private Christian Academy. I worked two jobs for eight years before I was confident I could swing it with one. I am blessed beyond belief, my eighth Grandchild is due in June and through it all I would not change one thing. Thank you LORD.
God bless you. For those of us out here who remember when parents used to be parents and children weren't drugged up to make them compliant zombies, we thank you, too. I have worked with children on a direct basis since 1992. Many don't remember Hiliary Clinton's push for getting ahold of children as early as possible, the priority of mothers getting "fulfillment" working while children went to daycare/nannies and her ghost written book "It Takes a Village" that started all this crap when Clinton was Governor in Arkansas and then pushed when she (oh, excuse me, he) became President.
there is even a French - Belgian motto, L'union fait la force. Exactly that.
At least, the US allows home schooling. The countries in Europe mostly forbid it, unless the home schooling parent is a teacher.
I think there should also be some kind of reward towards stay at home mothers (or fathers). A Belgian political party in the 80s tried to get that done, but failed.
exactly regarding europe. here it is nearly impossible to home school. or your kid is totally retarded so keep him/her at home or must be a top sport person who can prove has no time for scheduled school. otherwise the only option is indoctrination.
I'm a Judge Judy fan (before she came out in a big way to support Michael Bloomberg) and she used to ask a homeschooling parent "what education and experience do you have to teach your child?!" like it was a bad thing.
I am frustrated by the scapegoating of “tech” for the destruction of western children’s psyches. It’s not the tech; the tech is where these children turn when their lives are made disorienting and meaningless.
Don’t blame the tech. Parents have a job to do, and it’s a hard job, that you most assuredly can royally fail at. It takes serious intention and inner work to become a parent of highly-functioning children.
I watch body cam videos on YouTube. Guilty pleasure I guess. You would not believe how many people FREAK OUT when in handcuffs and being put in the back of the police car screaming for their phones or the police who allow someone to be on their phones when being detained or arrested. It is a sickness.
I decided several months ago to move my charger out of my bedroom due to issues that I won't go into here, but most know about it. It was like taking me off a drug or something. i read alot so if I was reading a book and wanted to look up something I would grab my phone and before I knew it, an hour would go by while staring at my phone which made it harder to go to sleep. There were several days I kept reaching for it purely by habit. Now I don't think about it or have to really want to look up something if I just have to. 99% of the time I don't.
I considered my self fortunate and never regretted that I was able to take an extended leave after my children were born and then only worked 2 days a week (while my mother in-law watched them) till they were school aged. Sadly our society is now outsourcing teachers to AI programs. We even give children as young as preschool a device in the name of education. I hope as a society we can somehow reverse this trend. We need to put childhood before profits.
Too funny. Too many parents and schools won’t let boys be boys and then wonder why their child has been given an alphabet soup label. Let them play. Let them go out and play war or “king of the hill.” Climb a tree. Fall out of the tree (shock! Horror!)
In fact I chuckled when I read at the beginning of the scamdemic, that kids were going to have to learn at home with computers. I just had seen pictures from American classrooms with all kids at a computer. Do they learn anything the old fashion anymore, with the teacher teaching and writing on a black board and explaining things? I know they don't teach writing anymore, and have seen the awful chicken scribbles from older kids.
They were looking for technology to improve education 50+ years ago. My middle school sank a bunch of money into take home machines which played a tape and a film strip. They lasted a couple of months.
And they unlearned phonics a generation before that.
There are obviously grave issues with single parent homes. There also seem to be issues associated with having prosperous and progressive parents. This is the kind of thing most social scientists are allergic to but GD, over-parenting, neuroses, social justice ideology… all seemed to be linked to this parenting form and all are psychological liabilities.
It’s performance oriented parenting - pressure from others in your well educated, affluent community that disrupts the parental bond. It’s very damaging and demeaning to self worth.
100% spot on. You have parents who have their children in 2 activities after school on top of being at school over 8 hours. Kids are EXHAUSTED, but parents keep pushing. Sometimes if I spot it in what I teach, I will try to tell a parent "you wouldn't want to keep that schedule up if it was you."
You are wise beyond your years Yuri to consider the value of earlier marriage (yesterday’s post) and today family focused childcare. I appreciate your insight. Life offers a huge menu of choices for the individual and I suppose a single childless person could chase after all sorts of options with only himself/herself to deal with failure or success. A lonely adventure in my opinion. With marriage and child rearing the consequences of both become more critical. There is little room for trial and error when other souls are affected by one’s decisions. I married at age 20, my husband 22. It’s been 46 years, 2 sons, 2 daughter-in-laws 3 grandsons and 3 granddaughters, lots of toil, a few tears and millions of small and sometimes big blessings. Because both of us were born to young parents in early marriages we also have living parents on each side. The accounting isn’t just a list, it’s the life I wake up to and live everyday. In my opinion there is no measurement to place value on the return of the investment to commit oneself to another person and grow a family. Starting early means enjoying in real time the fruits of your labor.
Father of nine including adopted: A child raised by biological parents who live together and are decent to each other is at an incredible advantage. Once that is lost, you do the very best you can.
People may or may not like Dr. Laura, but I've heard her say many times in the past - that you work to be kind to one another and nice especially in front of the kids versus a kneejerk divorce. All we have to do is look around us to see what divorce and single parent homes have done to our culture.
I will die on the hill of kids needing less quality time and more quantity time. Curated activities with mom hovering < kids running around the house playing while you are busy in the kitchen on a Tuesday morning.
This is the MAIN cause of the collapse of everything around us. No one can convince me otherwise. Work - divorce - bad behavior - loss of morals - a need to cling to groups - failing schools - loss of middle class. It all boils down to this.
Interesting info sir—a broader shift to promote more time for parenting would be great, esp for lower and middle income families. Tax breaks dont cut it, needs to be structural. We are fortunate to have had the same loving nanny for our kids for almost 10 years now, but we obviously can see past the end of noses.
They trying to manipulate people who count on government, schools, etc. to "protect" children. You'll never see a school bond issue fail...because they always cloak it in euphemistic necessities about "safety/well being" of children.
The State says this is all necessary...NOT. Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of Tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
What they really want is to eliminate a parents "instincts" and have it sub'd out to the state. To me this is the threat; the real Trojan Horse.
That and unsupervised "smart" devices - digital babysitters.
Yet we stupidly wonder why kids these days have so many problems and are on meds.
A few years ago I was asked, during an interview, what personal accomplishment I was most proud of. Without any hesitation I said "my kids". No matter what's gone on in my career, that will always be my greatest accomplishment and I get such peace and joy from it.
100%
To have children is the greatest joy in life and gives you a sense of intentional purpose and leaves a legacy for your grandchildren as a job well done. Sacrifice for others is an intentional decision with lifelong dividends.
Sure wish 'responsibility' was more front and center in the discussions about sexual relations and the consequences of them. And once a pregnancy begins - planned or not - that the 2 ppl that create that child - would have a sense of duty & obligation to that child whether they decide to parent that child or make an adoption plan.
In our culture today we have a disposable attitude about too many things. Sadly, children have become just another expendable 'item' to be disposed of.
The other thing that has been condemned is adoption or if it is chosen, an "open" adoption. As a late 50 year old adopted child, my parents were my parents. Period. End of story. The teenager who gave birth to me was only 15 or 16 years old from what I do know (and I don't care to ever meet her or open that Pandora's Box that can't be shut back) and my life would have been very different. The choice was made to give me a chance at a better life.
Now adoption is "you gave up your child." No, you didn't. You chose to think of someone else in our narcissistic world. Sure when I was a teenager and would angry at my parents, I thought "maybe things would have been better with her" in my selfish thinking. Now that I'm 40+ years on the other side of that - that is selfish and immature.
I've always said if someone called me asking me to visit if she were dying and wanting to know she made the right decision, I would go in a minute to thank her and tell her she did and how thankful I am that she did.
Look around. Look how many teenagers are "raising" children that will continue to repeat the cycle again and again. It used to be something looked down on and not celebrated if a girl got "knocked up." Now they want a baby doll and often grandma is pushing it.
And one final thought - I also think "open" adoptions are WRONG. 100% WRONG. It confuses a child and allows the birth person (not a mother because my mother is my mother) to have control. A little child can't handle that drama and doesn't need it.
Okay....off soap box now.
amen. you hit the nail on the head. just so
My wife and I had decided early on that she would be a stay at home Mom for our three children. She was offered her dream position one week before she gave her notice. I picked up a second job some years later to pay for a private Christian Academy. I worked two jobs for eight years before I was confident I could swing it with one. I am blessed beyond belief, my eighth Grandchild is due in June and through it all I would not change one thing. Thank you LORD.
Blessings to you - your sacrifices made you a patriarch and matriarch.
God bless you. For those of us out here who remember when parents used to be parents and children weren't drugged up to make them compliant zombies, we thank you, too. I have worked with children on a direct basis since 1992. Many don't remember Hiliary Clinton's push for getting ahold of children as early as possible, the priority of mothers getting "fulfillment" working while children went to daycare/nannies and her ghost written book "It Takes a Village" that started all this crap when Clinton was Governor in Arkansas and then pushed when she (oh, excuse me, he) became President.
Thank you TC
Diversity is not always a good idea when different, unaligned values are influencing your children.
“Diversity is strength” is a lie. Turns out, unity is actually strength.
there is even a French - Belgian motto, L'union fait la force. Exactly that.
At least, the US allows home schooling. The countries in Europe mostly forbid it, unless the home schooling parent is a teacher.
I think there should also be some kind of reward towards stay at home mothers (or fathers). A Belgian political party in the 80s tried to get that done, but failed.
exactly regarding europe. here it is nearly impossible to home school. or your kid is totally retarded so keep him/her at home or must be a top sport person who can prove has no time for scheduled school. otherwise the only option is indoctrination.
I'm a Judge Judy fan (before she came out in a big way to support Michael Bloomberg) and she used to ask a homeschooling parent "what education and experience do you have to teach your child?!" like it was a bad thing.
I'm glad I spend a lot of time with my young grandchildren and help my daughter and son-in-law by doing so.
Grandparents are the best and so under-appreciated in modern society.
Perhaps, but in our family, grandparents have a long history of being involved. I love it and wouldn't miss a minute.
I am frustrated by the scapegoating of “tech” for the destruction of western children’s psyches. It’s not the tech; the tech is where these children turn when their lives are made disorienting and meaningless.
Don’t blame the tech. Parents have a job to do, and it’s a hard job, that you most assuredly can royally fail at. It takes serious intention and inner work to become a parent of highly-functioning children.
Right.
Unsupervised tech by parents is one of the problems...not tech itself.
I watch body cam videos on YouTube. Guilty pleasure I guess. You would not believe how many people FREAK OUT when in handcuffs and being put in the back of the police car screaming for their phones or the police who allow someone to be on their phones when being detained or arrested. It is a sickness.
I decided several months ago to move my charger out of my bedroom due to issues that I won't go into here, but most know about it. It was like taking me off a drug or something. i read alot so if I was reading a book and wanted to look up something I would grab my phone and before I knew it, an hour would go by while staring at my phone which made it harder to go to sleep. There were several days I kept reaching for it purely by habit. Now I don't think about it or have to really want to look up something if I just have to. 99% of the time I don't.
I considered my self fortunate and never regretted that I was able to take an extended leave after my children were born and then only worked 2 days a week (while my mother in-law watched them) till they were school aged. Sadly our society is now outsourcing teachers to AI programs. We even give children as young as preschool a device in the name of education. I hope as a society we can somehow reverse this trend. We need to put childhood before profits.
We had Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, and flashcards.
We had bb guns and shot each other. Or used our GI Joe's to blow up barbie dolls with cherry bombs.
Best times ever!
Too funny. Too many parents and schools won’t let boys be boys and then wonder why their child has been given an alphabet soup label. Let them play. Let them go out and play war or “king of the hill.” Climb a tree. Fall out of the tree (shock! Horror!)
In fact I chuckled when I read at the beginning of the scamdemic, that kids were going to have to learn at home with computers. I just had seen pictures from American classrooms with all kids at a computer. Do they learn anything the old fashion anymore, with the teacher teaching and writing on a black board and explaining things? I know they don't teach writing anymore, and have seen the awful chicken scribbles from older kids.
Sadly technology is increasingly being pushed on educators to use with students and not surprisingly, student performance is declining. Check out my article on Public: https://www.public.news/p/big-tech-hubris-and-greed-behind
They were looking for technology to improve education 50+ years ago. My middle school sank a bunch of money into take home machines which played a tape and a film strip. They lasted a couple of months.
And they unlearned phonics a generation before that.
And it is going to get much, much worse. See how quickly AI was massively rolled out? Wasn't that a coincidence. NOT
I am inundated with emails at school pushing AI products and webinars daily. It is awful.
Blecch, that mom in the first pic looks like she’s about 55, and it’s probably not her tenth baby or anything.
There are obviously grave issues with single parent homes. There also seem to be issues associated with having prosperous and progressive parents. This is the kind of thing most social scientists are allergic to but GD, over-parenting, neuroses, social justice ideology… all seemed to be linked to this parenting form and all are psychological liabilities.
https://jmpolemic.substack.com/p/job-search-part-5
It’s performance oriented parenting - pressure from others in your well educated, affluent community that disrupts the parental bond. It’s very damaging and demeaning to self worth.
100% spot on. You have parents who have their children in 2 activities after school on top of being at school over 8 hours. Kids are EXHAUSTED, but parents keep pushing. Sometimes if I spot it in what I teach, I will try to tell a parent "you wouldn't want to keep that schedule up if it was you."
You are wise beyond your years Yuri to consider the value of earlier marriage (yesterday’s post) and today family focused childcare. I appreciate your insight. Life offers a huge menu of choices for the individual and I suppose a single childless person could chase after all sorts of options with only himself/herself to deal with failure or success. A lonely adventure in my opinion. With marriage and child rearing the consequences of both become more critical. There is little room for trial and error when other souls are affected by one’s decisions. I married at age 20, my husband 22. It’s been 46 years, 2 sons, 2 daughter-in-laws 3 grandsons and 3 granddaughters, lots of toil, a few tears and millions of small and sometimes big blessings. Because both of us were born to young parents in early marriages we also have living parents on each side. The accounting isn’t just a list, it’s the life I wake up to and live everyday. In my opinion there is no measurement to place value on the return of the investment to commit oneself to another person and grow a family. Starting early means enjoying in real time the fruits of your labor.
Thanks for sharing your story. Your children and grandchildren are lucky to have you.
Father of nine including adopted: A child raised by biological parents who live together and are decent to each other is at an incredible advantage. Once that is lost, you do the very best you can.
People may or may not like Dr. Laura, but I've heard her say many times in the past - that you work to be kind to one another and nice especially in front of the kids versus a kneejerk divorce. All we have to do is look around us to see what divorce and single parent homes have done to our culture.
I will die on the hill of kids needing less quality time and more quantity time. Curated activities with mom hovering < kids running around the house playing while you are busy in the kitchen on a Tuesday morning.
This is the MAIN cause of the collapse of everything around us. No one can convince me otherwise. Work - divorce - bad behavior - loss of morals - a need to cling to groups - failing schools - loss of middle class. It all boils down to this.
Amen!
Interesting info sir—a broader shift to promote more time for parenting would be great, esp for lower and middle income families. Tax breaks dont cut it, needs to be structural. We are fortunate to have had the same loving nanny for our kids for almost 10 years now, but we obviously can see past the end of noses.
The highest share of (voluntary) single parenting.
That male Tyngsboro daycare pervert pretends he's a woman and was referred to as "she/her" in the press. #NotOurCrimes
You nailed it Yuri.
They trying to manipulate people who count on government, schools, etc. to "protect" children. You'll never see a school bond issue fail...because they always cloak it in euphemistic necessities about "safety/well being" of children.
The State says this is all necessary...NOT. Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of Tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
What they really want is to eliminate a parents "instincts" and have it sub'd out to the state. To me this is the threat; the real Trojan Horse.
That and unsupervised "smart" devices - digital babysitters.
Yet we stupidly wonder why kids these days have so many problems and are on meds.