How To Make Stars at the Commissar Astroturfing Agency

Hollywood mega-agency CAA (Creative Artists Agency) is the ultimate mimetic machine, managing influential clients who penetrate hearts and minds around the world - JD memes and questions at the end

Comrades: CAA is the Commissar Astroturfing Agency.

Creative Artists Agency was founded in 1975 and has become the most powerful entertainment agency on the planet. The world is their stage and they control all the actors. In 2023, French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault purchased a majority stake for $7 billion. Many of last weekend’s Oscar winners thanked their agents from CAA. Almost every living person has consoomed their clients’ content. Yet few know it even exists.

CAA services every form of talent including athletes, musicians, gamers, influencers, and politicians. They recently signed both Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. The cabal also represent fellow commissars Barack and Michelle Obama, Beto O’Rourke, and Susan Rice. No doubt MAGA talent is blacklisted and they are working with many Trump Derangement Substackers. After all, The Swamp is Hollywood for ugly people.

Who is writing the copy pasta word salad scripts for the DNC.PMC.NPC.TDS.AI human centipede to regurgitate?

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CAA Co-Chairmen Richard Lovett, Bryan Lourd, and Kevin Huvane are Democrat megadonors. These shadowy middle men are more powerful than most frontmen, including heads of state. Our tax dollars go to Ukraine, 10% goes to the Big Guy, then 10% goes to his agents who bankrolled his campaign. Dick Lovett deserves an Oscar for saying this with a straight face: “President Biden is one of America’s most respected and influential voices in national and global affairs… His lifelong commitment to public service is one of unity, optimism, dignity, and possibility. We are profoundly honored to partner with him again.”

As you’d expect from 3 white dues for Harris, CAA has leaned hard into DEI and CCP - from the About Us section of their website:

Positioned at the nexus of talent, content, brands, technology, sports, and live events, CAA creates limitless opportunities for the storytellers, trendsetters, icons, and thought leaders who shape popular culture… We were the first talent agency to build a sports business, create an investment bank, launch a venture fund, found technology start-up companies, establish a business in China, create a brand marketing services business, and launch a philanthropic arm, among other industry innovations. It is also our goal to lead the way in diversity, advocating with marketplace buyers for talent from historically underrepresented groups – and for the cultural and commercial value of inclusion. CAA continues to increase the diversity of our talent roster and our employees, and always will.

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CAA is the borg. Their clients are force fed down all of our throats. They influence every celebrity to deliver The Narrative to the masses and astroturf popularity. Normies want to be cool by consooming goodthink from their false idols. Yet no stunning and brave artists dare speak out against this mafia because it would mean the end of their careers. Courtney Love claims she was banned by CAA for warning young actresses about Harvey Weinstein. Many CAA agents knew about his predatory behavior, but kept working with him and sending aspiring starlets to him. It’s only fitting that Anora, this year’s Academy Award for Best Picture, is about prostitutes and sex work.

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CAA’s client roster is so long, it’s hard to find celebrities who aren’t represented by them. Its chief rival WME is run by Ari Emanuel, the brother of Rahm Emanuel - former Obama Chief of Staff and Chicago Mayor. They can summon any of their A-list actors to deliver DNC TDS agitprop to herd the sheep: Jennifer Aniston, Alec Baldwin, Sacha Baron Cohen, George Clooney, Stephen Colbert, Robert De Niro, Jon Hamm, Tom Hanks, Scarlett Johansson, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Bill Maher, Matthew McConaughey, Trevor Noah, Julia Roberts, Zoe Saldana, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Will Smith, Steven Spielberg, Meryl Streep, and Reese Witherspoon. If you prefer your subversion through song they can activate Beyonce, Mariah Carey, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande, Green Day, Lady Gaga, and Bruce Springsteen. For the sportsball fans they can throw in Travis Kelce, David Beckham, Derek Jeter, Peyton Manning, and Cristiano Ronaldo.

Here are just a few of their countless collaborations:

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When will they sign European sensations Greta and Zelensky?

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Conservatives haven’t even taken the field in this front of the counter-cultural revolution. We do not have a single institution with a fraction of CAA’s reach. While some influencers have built large followings on X and Substack, they are dwarfed by CAA’s clients and productions. With only a few phone calls, their agents can orchestrate propaganda that hundreds of millions absorb. They used to make magic, but even after a decade of slop they remain untouchable. Distribution wins over product every time. We are flies splattered on their windshield.

I leave this to the wisdom of the crowd. What is the best way to counter CAA? Starve the beast? Build our own? Will CAA absorb MAGA into the borg if they feel threatened and see economic opportunity in the post vibe shift zeitgeist?

The creativity and humor of the JD Vance internet meme machine is far superior to Hollywood - plus it’s free:

Never forget how close we came to the bad timeline - no scriptwriter could have made such a dramatic plot twist:

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For more on the counter-cultural revolution, patronage networks, and MNN: