How To Texas Two-Step (Part 2)
Officially inducting Austin, Texas as the 22nd Karenland FUPAZ
Comrades: Austin has fallen.
In How To Texas Two-Step Part 1, I contrasted Austin with its Texan surroundings and expressed concern that it was descending into Karenland FUPAZ territory. The 30-minute drive between the SXSW Current Thing Conference in Austin and wholesome small towns like Taylor TX is a short distance physically, but a massive gap spiritually. Red and blue America rub shoulders closer here than anywhere else. In How To Visit Karenland FUPAZ (Part 5), I added 5 Democrat-run cities to the original Shithole 16 because they were ranked among the Top 50 most violent in the world. Today, I will show how Austin has earned its spot on the list to become the 22nd FUPAZ.
To compensate for its location in the heart of a red state, Austin pushes wokeness even harder than FUPAZ in blue states:
This pride march was held in an elementary school a few miles away from the Texas State House, where Republicans are supposedly in control:
Austin’s leftist government can’t keep the power on, streets clear, or private homes safe after it defunded the police by $150 million:
What makes Austin unique compared to the other FUPAZ is that it has a booming population. You can feel the energy. Bars are packed. Cranes and new skyscrapers dominate the skyline. It is the only city in America that contains a state capital, major university, and tech/energy/industrial manufacturing. Elon Musk and Joe Rogan have established hubs for entrepreneurship and comedy, two vital ingredients to a thriving economy and culture. Austin is also home to the most exciting new university in centuries, UATX, which will begin enrolling undergraduates next year.
Another sign that it’s over: The New Yorker published a long piece called “The Astonishing Transformation of Austin”. One of the new transplants they profiled is a quintessential Soy Bugman:
Luke Warford grew up in Rhode Island, then lived in New York, Cincinnati, and London, where he went to grad school in economics. He spent a year in Ethiopia. “Every extra dollar I made in my twenties I spent on travel,” he told me, as we sat in an East Austin coffee shop. A thirty-three-year-old marathoner with dark-brown hair and beard stubble, he was wearing a memorial baseball cap for the Uvalde massacre. After working at Facebook in Silicon Valley, he decided to put down roots: “I wanted to go someplace I could have a really big impact, and where there’s a lot of opportunity, and a place that’s young and active.” It came down to Denver or Austin. The hike-and-bike trail around Lady Bird Lake—“the most beautiful running spot that you could possibly imagine”—sold him.
Luke is trying to check every predictable box of his annoying stereotype: Northeast, NYC, DC, SF, London, Facebook, Hillary, Albright. Denver is the next Karenland FUPAZ. How sick do you have to be to wear a Uvalde hat?
Another factor in his decision was politics. “Texas is going to be the most politically consequential state in the next decade,” he said, and he wanted to be a part of that. Texas, in his assessment, was “thirty million persons governed by entrenched assholes.” Changing that would be a huge undertaking, but Warford likes solving “big, intractable problems.” He went to work for the dispirited and ineffectual Texas Democratic Party. He spent a year and a half there before announcing that he was running for railroad commissioner.
Imagine moving to red state Texas from crumbling blue state NE/SF/DC and calling everyone who runs it an asshole.
For a young man intent on changing the world, there couldn’t have been a better choice. The Railroad Commission, its quaint name notwithstanding, has nothing to do with railroads: it regulates oil and gas in the state. There’s no more consequential entity in America for managing energy. The failure of the Texas grid in 2021 was a trigger for Warford. Wayne Christian, one of the three commissioners, was up for reëlection the next year. Christian is a Tea-Party Republican who is in the Texas Gospel Music Hall of Fame. He was supported almost entirely by the industry he nominally regulated. His solution to climate change: “Turn the damn air-conditioner up.” That proved to be a winning platform.
BASED WAYNE CHRISTIAN.
Warford isn’t discouraged by his loss. He’s convinced that he’ll help Texas eventually flip blue, and that this will change America. Texas rewards risk-taking, he told me: “That’s certainly been my experience. I mean, I was a statewide Democratic nominee for a fairly reputable, high-profile office three years after moving here.”
Definition of a carpetbagger. Beta Beto 2.0 and his Karen groupies:
Fear not, comrades. Yuri has the solution for Austin to turn things around. Current Mayor Kirk Watson is not diverse enough. Austin needs to elect a more diverse mayor to continue on its path to “Progressive” utopia. Several talented leaders are now available for the job:
Keep Texas fun and free! Helicopter hog hunting is on my bucket list:
You encapsulated right here.: "Imagine moving to red state Texas from crumbling blue state NE/SF/DC and calling everyone who runs it an asshole."
Hilarious thanks! Any place being invaded by Silicon Valley refugees is no place for me. I lived in
Austin for a few years when the original Whole Foods had not even imagined being bought by Bezos. We are losing all of our original American heartland cities to the woke and the digitally corrupted.