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How To Illegally Immigrate to the United States of America
Yuri's guide for "asylum seekers and migrants" to enter the land of opportunity, where the streets are paved in gold and borders are nonexistent
Compadres: Now is your best chance to break into America.
The Biden regime has opened the borders for several million illegal immigrants to join the tens of millions already here. Outside of war, no other country in history has ever pursued such an insane policy. Similar to my color revolution playbook, here is a 10-step guide to illegally immigrate to the USA. Please note that this guide does not apply to legal immigrants or any suckers who follow the rules. If you a smart, hard-working person who got a degree and wants to contribute - tough luck. Slog through our horrific bureaucracy for years in limbo or GTFO.
Step 1: Make your way into Mexico and hire a coyote cartel human trafficker. Loosen up your sphincter because they could make you stuff drugs inside your crevices. If you’re female, you may have to pay the coyotes with your body.
Step 2: To ease your journey, grab free transportation, food, water, shelter, maps, guides, cash, legal aid, and phones from a Soros NGO or Catholic Church. Mass together with a caravan to maximize your chances of pushing through barriers along the way. Leave trash everywhere and triple your carbon footprint by moving to a first world country; ESG sustainability rules don’t apply to you either.
Step 3: Walk across the border. Unlike anyone else entering the country, especially unclean Serbians like Novak Djokovic, you don’t need to show vax papers or ID. Title 42 has ended, even though it didn’t do much. If you’re lucky, a soldier will open the wall for you and provide red carpet VIP transportation.
Step 4: Collect paperwork for your asylum court date in 2030 and get released to catch a free flight or bus ride anywhere in the USA.
Step 5: Choose a sanctuary city aka Karenland FUPAZ. Warning - some of these cities are more violent than where you are coming from. Here is a menu of your options.
Beware - the black South Side of Chicago recently turned into MAGA white supremacists:
Step 6: Kick out homeless vets and wedding guests from the hotel you’ll be staying in. Thank the vets for their service, fighting for your right to live off the taxpayer dime. If you choose NYC, you could get upgraded to a hotel with a pool that costs citizens several hundred dollars per night. Half of the hotel rooms in NYC are now occupied by fellow illegals. The overflow is moving into school gyms across the city, screw these kids whose schools were closed for years and now can’t have PE class.
Step 7: Enjoy your free stuff while lounging poolside. Don’t bother learning English. Most of the people you’ll interact with don’t speak English anyway, plus everything is written in your language to accommodate you.
Step 8: Supplement your income with under the table work like dealing drugs, delivering food, and cleaning bathrooms for the urban elites. While they will reflexively express compassion for you, they will never let you live in their homes or neighborhoods. If you play your cards right, you might be able to have a fling with the partner of a “puta el cornudo”.
Step 9: Wait it out until you get amnesty. To improve your odds, have a few anchor babies. They can grow up as American dreamers by becoming Latinx/AAPI/BIPOC DIE commissars.
Your future children:
Step 10: Vote Democrat. Even though they’re weird about sexualizing your kids, they will give you welfare and let your extended family come over. That’s the only thing that matters when you cast your ballot. The blue states will give you a driver’s license, but you don’t need to show ID to vote there anyway. Feel free to shoplift up to $950 or get into fisticuffs after one too many cervesas because you won’t get in trouble. The only way you can get deported is if you kill someone, become white-adjacent, or blaspheme the state religion.
Illegal immigrant Aryan neo-Nazi:
3 parting thoughts:
Any immigrant to the US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, or Europe is by definition a white supremacist. They could have stayed in their home countries or immigrated to a non-white country, but they chose not to.
Almost every African I’ve met from Africa is smart, hard-working, and humble. If the African-American BLM/DEI crime/welfare class immigrated to Africa, they’d be just as despised there as they are here.
The AOC parody Twitter account is brilliant.