How To Win the Hunger Games
Recasting The Hunger Games' Capitol Commissars with DC Swamp Creatures, plus Panem Texit memes at the bottom
Comrades: Happy Hunger Games! May the odds be ever in your favor.
The corrupt, decadent, tyrannical Capitol of Panem has subjugated its 12 Districts after crushing their rebellion. To demoralize its subjects and flex its power each year, The Capitol reaps a boy and girl from each District as tributes to kill each other for sportsball entertainment. Sound familiar? The GAE Capitol DC has the same attitude as it wages war around the world and within its own borders. Join me in recasting characters from The Hunger Games’ Capitol with DC Swamp Creatures.
Instead of Donald Sutherland, the role of President Coriolanus Snow will be played by Dear Leader Uncle Joe Brandon:
Instead of Elizabeth Banks, the role of Effie Trinket will be played by Jen Psaki in pink and NPR CEO Katherine Maher in blue:
How To Appoint a Commissar (Part 4) - NPR CEO Katherine Maher (she/her)
Comrades: The Soviets had Pravda, we have NPR. Rejoice, peasants! Taxpayer-funded regime propaganda network NPR has appointed a new CEO. Katherine Maher (she/her) is one of the cringiest commissars I have ever seen. As I have done with similar unelected demoralization agents at
Instead of Stanley Tucci, the role of Propaganda TV Host Cesar Flickerman will be played by Steven Colbert and John Stewart:
Instead of Lenny Kravitz, the role of Cinna will be played by the new Democrat KKK identarian intersectionality shields: Kamala Harris, Katanji Brown Jackson, and Karine Jean-Pierre:
Instead of Wes Bentley, the role of Seneca Crane will be played by Alex Soros:
Instead of Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP), the role of Plutarch Heavensbee will be played by Jake Sullivan:
Instead of Julianne Moore, the role of “Resistance” Leader Alma Coin will be played by Hillary Clinton:
Instead of Mahershala Ali, the role of Boggs will be played by Lloyd Austin:
The Capitol extras will be played by RuPaul’s Drag Race:
The Capitol follows The Science (TM):
Is it a coincidence that Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence’s career stalled after Harvey Weinstein went down?
Is Taylor Swift the new Mockingbird Mockingjay?
Stunning and brave Progressive activists have already volunteered as tributes in The Hunger Games of the vibrant sanctuary city Karenland FUPAZ. To learn the consequences of their luxury beliefs, they should get in the arena known as the NYC Randall’s Island illegal migrant shelter. Sadly, they are so demoralized that they don’t know or care it exists and will never change their minds:
Which American FEMA District would win The Hunger Games? I’d bet on VI, with VIII and IV in a close battle for second place.
Will Texas District VI leave the anarcho-tyranny of GAE Panem?
For more “reimagining”, see the pieces below on The Departed, Team America World Police, and Eminem’s Stan:
How To Reimagine Boston from The Departed to The (Woke) Retarded
Comrades: Boston has fallen. Like Team America World Police, The Departed is a classic movie from the mid-2000s. Considering how much “progress” Boston and the world have made since then, it feels like centuries ago. Above the star-studded cast, the city of Boston was the main character of The Departed. Boston used to have a unique personality full of qu…
How To See the World as Dicks, Pussies, and Assholes (Kamala, F*** Yeah!)
Comrades: Team America World Police is one of the most subversive films in the post-9/11 era. South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone released Team America in 2004 to satirize the military industrial complex as it destroyed Iraq in the name of freedom. If it were made today, the woke mob and the warmongers would team up to cancel it. Team America …
How To Freestyle Rap
Comrades: Laughter is the best medicine and parodies are a great form of it. Growing up I was a fan of Eminem and Weird Al, so today I’d like to pay homage to them with an original parody. Eminem’s “Stan” is one of the most unique and hauntingly beautiful rap songs ever made. It is about an increasingly unhinged fan named Stan writing letters to Eminem, …
This is brilliant and scary all wrapped up in one.
Thanks for your FEMA District VI vote of confidence. We do have the experience, the desire, and the tools to win. Your support keeps us strong, partner. As Dubya said after Katrina, “heckuva job, Yuri”..