How To Win the Hunger Games

Recasting The Hunger Games' Capitol Commissars with DC Swamp Creatures, plus Panem Texit memes at the bottom

Comrades: Happy Hunger Games! May the odds be ever in your favor.

The corrupt, decadent, tyrannical Capitol of Panem has subjugated its 12 Districts after crushing their rebellion. To demoralize its subjects and flex its power each year, The Capitol reaps a boy and girl from each District as tributes to kill each other for sportsball entertainment. Sound familiar? The GAE Capitol DC has the same attitude as it wages war around the world and within its own borders. Join me in recasting characters from The Hunger Games’ Capitol with DC Swamp Creatures.

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Instead of Donald Sutherland, the role of President Coriolanus Snow will be played by Dear Leader Uncle Joe Brandon:

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Instead of Elizabeth Banks, the role of Effie Trinket will be played by Jen Psaki in pink and NPR CEO Katherine Maher in blue:

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Instead of Stanley Tucci, the role of Propaganda TV Host Cesar Flickerman will be played by Steven Colbert and John Stewart:

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Instead of Lenny Kravitz, the role of Cinna will be played by the new Democrat KKK identarian intersectionality shields: Kamala Harris, Katanji Brown Jackson, and Karine Jean-Pierre:

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Instead of Wes Bentley, the role of Seneca Crane will be played by Alex Soros:

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Instead of Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP), the role of Plutarch Heavensbee will be played by Jake Sullivan:

Instead of Julianne Moore, the role of “Resistance” Leader Alma Coin will be played by Hillary Clinton:

Instead of Mahershala Ali, the role of Boggs will be played by Lloyd Austin:

The Capitol extras will be played by RuPaul’s Drag Race:

The Capitol follows The Science (TM):

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Is it a coincidence that Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence’s career stalled after Harvey Weinstein went down?

Is Taylor Swift the new Mockingbird Mockingjay?

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Stunning and brave Progressive activists have already volunteered as tributes in The Hunger Games of the vibrant sanctuary city Karenland FUPAZ. To learn the consequences of their luxury beliefs, they should get in the arena known as the NYC Randall’s Island illegal migrant shelter. Sadly, they are so demoralized that they don’t know or care it exists and will never change their minds:

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Which American FEMA District would win The Hunger Games? I’d bet on VI, with VIII and IV in a close battle for second place.

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Will Texas District VI leave the anarcho-tyranny of GAE Panem?

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For more “reimagining”, see the pieces below on The Departed, Team America World Police, and Eminem’s Stan: